Welcome To Academia, a dark comedy/satire, takes place at the once grand institution of higher learning, Victorian University. Framed at the intro as kind of a fairy tale, this once perfect “enchanted place in the land of plenty” is facing bankruptcy after being ruled by “delusional monarchs, the last of whom decided to build a lighthouse in the middle of the forest.”

As the film begins, most of the faculty and students are frustrated with the dated and eccentric ideas of Victorian’s President Harold Kronsky (Bob Hogan). His long time protegé, Revis Williams (James LeGros), remains totally oblivious and un-involved with the campus politics and backstabbing, as long as his “leave me alone” attitude permits. His primary focus is with his favorite student, Sophie (Jess Weixler) whose doctoral dissertation about Yalta is finally completed and ready for approval.

Part of her review committee, it turns out, includes a group of angry and frustrated professors who are hoping to move up the totem pole of Victorian. The power hungry, fake feminist professor of Cultural Studies, Valery Villanueva, Junior (Callie Thorne), poses as an orphan of the Cuban revolution, and throughout the film reveals her paradoxical hostility and fear towards other women. These feelings are particularly strong when it comes to Valery’s professional relationship with Deborah Hansen (Laila Robins), a burned out yet resourceful Shakespeare professor. Valery also dislikes Revis’ graduate student, Sophie, and finally turns ballistic against an ex-porn star Bambi Bazongas (Shanna Forestall), whom she invites to her newly re-vamped feminism class, subtitled “Pornology 101,“ only to learn that theory and practice do not always go hand in hand.

Craving the position of Dean of Students, which is currently available, Deborah, Revis’ ex-wife and continued lover, tries desperately to persuade him to talk to his old friend President Kronsky. The problem is that even though Revis is her only hope of getting there, he remains apathetic to how important this is to her. A once promising but ultimately failed Shakespearean actress and director, she feels reduced simply teaching the Bard. Sick and tired of it, she’s capable of anything.

Another contender for the Dean’s position is Professor Richard Valentine (Dan Bakkadahl). He also shares Valery and Deborah’s belief that the only solution to his petty frustrations is the destruction of Kronsky. On top of that, Valentine also harbors a longtime personal grudge towards Revis, and is counting the minutes to pick the right moment to destroy him as well.

Plot developments are revealed in the office/teaching (ego) and party/sex (id) scenes. At the start of the new fall semester, during the first festive occasion celebrating Kronsky’s lighthouse, a conspiracy plot is established between Vice-President Roger Weldman (Matt Servitto) and Valery. As a consequence, Kronsky is accused by Valery of gender discrimination. Other professors, including Revis, who is upset with Kronsky for taking a research grant from Sophie and spending it unwisely on the lighthouse, support her charges. Kronsky is forced to resign, but before he throws in the towel, in an act of revenge, he nominates Revis (the only apolitical professor) as the new Dean.

This creates more trouble for the faculty and students. After Kronsky is replaced by Weldman as President of the University, the intrigues become spicier. Revis can no longer be on Sophie’s dissertation panel because he is now Dean, a trade-off he abhors. Valery, Deborah, and Valentine are also all furious at him because each of them coveted his position. As reappointed members of the doctoral committee, known as the Hydra, they decide to direct their anger towards Sophie.